Parenting Power

The Power of Respect

Having grown up in Louisiana, I watched with interest some years ago the “clothing” bill introduced by Rep. Derrick Shepherd, D-Marrero. The purpose of the bill was to stop people (think teens) from wearing low-riding pants that expose underwear or even more. Shepherd's bill would have made it a crime to wear clothing in public that "intentionally exposes undergarments or intentionally exposes any portion of the pubic hair, cleft of the buttocks or genitals." Shepherd felt that wearing these types of clothes show a lack of decency and respect for other people. Although Mr. Shepherd has a point, enforcing this law would have been difficult. The result was the Louisiana legislature refused to pass the bill by a vote of 54 to 39.

There seems to be general agreement in our society that there is a lack of respect from young people. A recent study found that “most teachers in middle and high schools say misbehavior by a handful of children is such a disruptive, pervasive force that a majority of students suffer for it. Although schools have become better at responding to serious offenses, such as guns and drugs on campus, the cumulative problem of routine unruly behavior is undermining academic achievement,” says the report by Public Agenda, a nonpartisan research group. “Most teachers say they contend with students who disrespect them, cheat, show up late and harass others.” So how do you teach children to have a sense of respect and value of other people?

To begin, I think respect goes deeper than just performing a certain action. The particular signs of respect often change over time and culture Saying “yes sir” and “no sir” or getting out of your chair when older people came into the room used to be signs of respect expected of all children. At one time a child was not allowed to ever ask a question of an adult. I don’t believe most adults are offended anymore by a child speaking to them. For some having a child use the first name of an adult is considered quite rude. Yet, in south Louisiana, all children call adults by their first name along with the title of Mr. or Miss. I was always Mr. David and my wife was Miss Laurie. When we first moved to Iowa people thought our children were weird when they addressed them in that manner. The point I’m trying to make is that children haven’t necessarily learned respect just because they do certain things.

So if respect is more than actions, what is it? Respect is an attitude that people have towards others. It is the belief that you treat all people with consideration and thoughtfulness simply because they deserve it. Respect is not given because of who the person is or what they may do. Respect is given because it is the right thing to do in all circumstances. In this way, respect becomes the guiding principle for all our relationships and interactions. It is treating others in the way that we ourselves would like to be treated. As the Golden Rule says, “Do for others what you would like them to do for you.”

So, how do you teach your children to respect others? To be honest, you can’t verbally teach them how to have respect, you must show them. In other words if you want respectful children you as the parent must show respect in everything you do. When you drive the car, how do you treat the other drivers around you? When you go to the store or restaurant, how do you treat the employees that wait on you? Do you treat your children with respect? Do you at all times show consideration and thoughtfulness for others? If you do, I believe you will have children who learn the Power of Respect.